OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
