My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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