i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
