Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
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Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
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No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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