I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
