Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
