That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
