She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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