They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
