I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
we're so committed to being not committed
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
