the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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