4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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