dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
