Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
