i just google imaged poop.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
