would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
