So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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