i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
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I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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