"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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