1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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