she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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