I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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