I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
