when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
