question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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