So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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