Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
a search helicopter?!
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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