Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sorry about my life...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
