I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
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