one might say we're banned from that church
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
