I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I touched a dick in church today
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
