I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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