Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
