apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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