the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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