Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Success! We fucked roommates!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
