Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
