The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
