Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
