its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
