I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
