Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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