im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
