just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
it hurts more in the daytime
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
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the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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