I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We had to coat check the pizza.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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