proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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