You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
