So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
