thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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