on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
