dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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