alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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