I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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