Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
