i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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