please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
