My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
