a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
