she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
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did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
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Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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