You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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