I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Can I color on your dick again?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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