I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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