summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
