i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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