Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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