nut hugger
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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