I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
