im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
