she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
